I Question Church Marriages

I'm wondering what's wrong with my generation.  Has that much changed with the family structure from what my parents grew up with?  I think so.  Where our parents would've toughed it out, nowadays we take the shortcut, divorce first before completely trying reconciliation.   So many of my friends and co-workers seem to want to provide everything their child needs materially (the phattest stroller, the coolest halloween outfit, a private school education) but then don't know how to discipline and raise their child to be smart but humble.  This is not so much a church thing, more of an in general thing.  

As for church... Why do some of my friends, even married church friends look so unhappy?   Maybe they are happy, but from the looks of things, it seems as if 1/3 of them have a partner that's too selfish to compromise on the little things.  This is really disturbing because I'm seeing marriages that look dysfunctional... not just any couples, these are my friends or acquaintances that are church leaders. 

Usually in a marriage, one person seems to have more power and the other person is usually more of the helper.  Rarely is it even and that's acceptable because we each have our own strengths.  But in a church, a pastor is supposed to lead and if it looks like he can't even control his own wife (if we even have to use "control" to describe the situation, how bad is that?), how is everyone supposed to believe that he can lead a congregation? 

In certain types of marriages, husbands and wives must be able to play the part.  Think presidential.   If Reagan's or Obama's wife didn't look and act presidential, we wouldn't think as highly of them.  The same can be said for leaders in a church.  I know this doesn't apply to most of you since you're not leading something in a church, but it's just sad when I see that.  Imagine that everytime you went to a company function, your CEO's wife was getting smash wasted or all she did was talk about the newest jewels she got. 

One wife I know doesn't even attend the church that her husband pastors.  Another pastor's wife, blasts so much criticism that people can't even tell that she has the love of God in her.  This bugs me because I'm Christian.  Something just ain't right. 

1. What's changed (good and bad) about the family structure over the years? 
2. If you're employed in an industry where you will often be visible, how important is it for you to find a mate who will be able to "act the part" when next to you publicly?  Or should that not matter?  

The funny thing is, I really dislike his music... 

Sorry for the lack of blogging, it's been crazy.  A couple of weeks ago I went to DC and Baltimore, then last week I had to go to a La Roux concert, a fashion show, a wedding rehearsal, a wedding, and then this week I got stuck with Tegan & Sara tickets (I don't mind going tonight, I love them, but I also would've been happy if they sold) and Tuesday I'll be at Lakers' Opening Night.  Inbetween that, I almost ended up at U2 on the floor when my friend had an extra ticket (I sold my floor tickets), but I told him if he found someone else, that would be cool too, because who really wants to spend a whole day at a Rose Bowl after two days of wedding action?  Parking lot hell.  Did you go?  All this madness means pictures to come?  Maybe. 

Which Phone Should I Get? 

All these new phones, which one do I get?   My current debatables are:

iPhone 3GS

Sprint Touch Pro 2 (after Windows Mobile 6.5 upgrade comes out, resistive touch screen)

Verizon Touch Pro 2 (after Windows Mobile 6.5 upgrade comes out, resistive touch screen)

Verizon Motorola Droid/Sholes (barely thicker than iPhone, with slide out qwerty keyboard, capacitive screen) 

I'm on Verizon, haven't upgraded for 4 years, so I should have old contract $100 new every two credit (vs. the new cap at $50 for the new every two).  Sprint has unlimited phone and data for $70 a month.  iPhone is sleek, easy to use, but I'm not that keen on the network and battery life.  I also would prefer a full qwerty keyboard.  The Droid is supposed to be equipped with Android 2.0 and have a super cool recharger cradle that displays time, weather...

Things I don't care much about... camera (because I always carry my compact camera anyways), music (I have my ipod for that).  Mostly it will be for texting, emailing, calling, and web browsing. 

Which should I get?  Have you had good or bad experiences with your iPhones, HTC phones, or the first google G1 phone? 

Sidenote:  I recently picked up a the Sony TX1 Cybershot. 

My old camera was fritzin' so it was time to get a new one.  I'm lovin' it!  The touchscreen is easy to use, responsive, and the main plus... it is one of the best compacts out there for low light photography!  Important for me because of the concert pics I take.  I tested it this week and the picture quality, color, and clarity for concert shots were stunning (all pictures taken without flash).  It is not as fast at recording the pic as my old camera (as in, the delay is a little longer from shot to shot), but this camera allows me to take almost SLR quality indoor photos without carrying the hunking SLR body.  They changed the light sensors and it's made a world of difference.  And it also records videos in HD. 

Street Cred with Ron-Ron (September 26, 2009) 

It's Laker time again, what better way to get ready for the season than to check out Ron Artest?  He was doing a signing at the Upper Deck store near my house so I went at the end of it hoping to get a few pictures of him exiting.  We waited around for 30 minutes while the public signing ended and Upper Deck had him sitting inside signing a million things for them.  At $50 a pop for small items and $60 for large items, there was no way that I was going to pay that kind of money for an autograph. 

Three mall rent-a-cops tried to form a blockade, but that was pretty unsuccessful.  There were about 30 of us waiting outside when he said bye.  He slipped into his SUV, took a couple of pictures with people standing next to his open window, then rolled out. 

Windows up, just as they were about to jet, either Ron-Ron or his boy saw me holding up his "My World" CD ($5, brand new, shipped on eBay).   They stopped the car and Artest waved me over.  "Come here man, I gotta sign that for you..."

He was real cool.  His boy was filming the whole day in the backseat.  I asked if I could get a picture he said sure.  Unfortunately, my self-take was rushed, but hey I'm all TLC Left Eye in this motha. 

Game recognized game.  Flying on Planet Musika, DjCaptainzowie's street cred is at an all time high.   

***I'm off to Washington, DC for the weekend, talk to you when I get back!***

Asian Taco Taste Test

Stop #1 of 2.   LA Chicken, Little Tokyo.  Thursday night special, two chicken tacos for $2.  Chicken tastes like Lexus (so the sign says). 

For $1 each, tacos were huge!  Packed full of meat, along with cilantro, onion and avocado, drizzled in a vinegarette marinade.  Be careful, they are served steamin' hot. 

My man toy, Chris, whom I called up minutes before because he lived within walking distance. 

Chris then let my virgin Kogi self know that the Kogi truck was also just down the street, there every Thursday, 6 p.m. - 9 p.m.   Only a five minute wait!  

Stop #2 of 2.  Kogi Taco Truck.

Tacos are $2 each, burritos are $5.  In the burritos you also get a fried egg, so that's a way better deal.  I was already stuffed by the time I reached the order window so I only ordered two tacos, beef and spicy pork. 

Kogi tacos are the bomb!  Except they are exactly how I'd expect bulgolgi, cabbage slaw, red sauce and corn tortillas to taste.  You can make this at home, just buy some bulgolgi, cut it up and invite your friends over.  I would wait 10-15 minutes in line to get these, but I wouldn't wait 45 minutes. 

Overall, Kogi's Korean tacos tasted better than LA Chicken's Japanese tacos.  LA Chicken isn't bad tho'.  At only $1 a taco on Thursday nights, that's a heckin' bargain. 

Yeah Yeah Yeahs @ the Greek Theatre (September 17, 2009)

I rushed off from Asian tacoland, to catch my show at the Greek.  I previewed the opening bands on Myspace (Yacht, the Breeders) and figured they weren't worth rushing out for.  I got to the show so late that I was lucky that I got one of the last five parking spaces on the hill (Griffith Park).  I reached the doors at 9:30 and heard everyone cheering.   Just in time for the first song! 

They released three giant blowup eyeballs into the crowd. 

Karen O and company rocks!  She's a livewire up there, never stops moving.  She said she used to get totally f-d up before the shows (which explains the great performances), but now she's matured and instead maintains a steady buzz.   The audience stood for the whole 80 minute show.  Everyone seemed just as excited to see hear their new songs (Heads Will Roll, Zero) as they were their old (Maps, Gold Lion, Cheated Hearts, etc.). 

Monday Night Football

First Monday game of the season found me and Sam at Hooters.  I entered and what the... I see my friend Troy and he's the floor manager!  I guess he just recently switched from Fleming's Steakhouse to Hooters. 

Me and the Head Hooter. 

Sam, Me, and Troy with some Hooties. 

Blake Griffin @ Upper Deck Store - Huntington Beach (September 19, 2009)

Had to drop off some Maxwell tickets for my cousin and her and her husband happened to be in my 'hood to get some things signed.  I would've gotten his autograph too, but $50 was a little steep for me, even if it does come with UD authentication (I'd only pay that much for a proven star, a Hall-of-Famer).  He was signing for 90 minutes, but I was surprised to see that the line was only 30 minutes deep.  If you came at the end of the line, you probably could've taken your time and asked him some questions.  Clippers Shooting Guard Eric Gordon was supposed to be there too but he no showed. 

Blake Griffin #1 Pick in the 2009 NBA Draft. 

What a happy family!  We look married with kids, except that's my cousin (who's the same age as me) and her son Brandon.

Brandon with Clipper Darrell (Bailey). 

Even Clipper Darrell came to represent!  He's the #1 Los Angeles Clippers fan in the world.  This is not a fake title, it's official.  He's the guy you'd see dancing on the screen or wearing facepaint and jerseys at the games.  It was real cool, we got to talk with him for about 15 minutes. 

We talked about what he does (fixes cars, fixes Laker and Clipper players' cars, Laker and Clipper players' wives' and girlfriends' cars (you would not believe the stuff the crash into!), him going down for that job interview with Mark Cuban, we drooled about the new team with Blake, and he even told us the story about how he went to send off the team at the airport for the playoffs and Donald Sterling (the owner, the guy who owns half of Downtown & Koreatown) saw him and asked him right then and there if he wanted to go to Phoenix with the team on the chartered jet.  He went, dropping everything... his boys packed some clothes and brought them too him when they came to Phoenix later.  Good stories... Darrell is dope. 

San Pedro Lobsterfest (September 19, 2009)

After the Blake Griffin show I headed out to Lobsterfest for Vivian's birthday.  Here too I also got one of the last parking spaces available.  It was hot, the line for the shuttle was about 30 minutes, we skipped that and hopped right on to the Red Trolley Car (most people didn't know it existed), which was also free and way more fun! 

Admission was $7 (after using the $2 off website coupon). It was $17 for the single 2.5 lb lobster meal or $31 for two 2.5 lb lobsters.  The line to get the lobsters was about 20 minutes. 

Pretty tasty, but really messy.  My fingers smelled like shrimp for the rest of the day.  You get a bun, potatoes, coleslaw, and pre-melted butter in a disposable orange juice type cup (think school lunches, airplanes).  I think the whole Lobsterfest shindig is a big overrated.  Lobster isn't that special (I know, I sound spoiled).  I'm Chinese, we have it almost everytime we go to Sam Woo.  Personally I prefer Lobster cooked Asian style.  Flash fried with some salty sweet sauce, egg, green onions, and jalepeno peppers.  Mmmmm...  Plus the lobster is so much bigger, which at least rewards you with some meat when you are sucking on those red legs.  These 2.5 pounders, you can't really get any meat except for the claws and tail. 

Birthday girl Viv, Emi, and Sam, getting down and duuuhrtay!

The In-Laws - Dealbreaker? 

Why is it that when I hear the words "in-laws" in a conversation, I flinch?  I don't even have immediate in-laws, other than a sister and she's thankfully very normal.  If I don't have potential mother or father-in-laws, why am I scared?  It seems like every other person has an horrible in-law.  I remember my high school English teacher, Mr. Alexander.  He used to riff on his mother-in-law every day. 

"This weekend we went to see visit my mother-in-law, she's older, so I helped vacuum the house.  I finished the whole room and she nags, 'HEY! You missed that spot right there...'   I was so pissed I just wanted to tell her to lay down on the floor so I could suck her face with that thing." 

A few years later, I went back to high school to visit and asked how his mother-in-law was.  He said, "Oh, I don't talk about her anymore, since she passed, God rest her soul." 

Just kill me if I get stuck with a horrible in-law.  Since I just said that, I know I've jinxed myself.  Really, does it or should it even matter in a relationship?  If Jessica Alba was all over me, but her mom was a witch, would I still go through with the wedding?  You laugh, but these are serious questions people!  Questions that 90% of us have to or have faced (assuming 10% of you stay single). 

There's all sorts of horrible when we are talking in-laws.  They could be meddling, nagging, gambling, drinking, leeching, disapproving, piggybacking, grandchild wanting, baby kidnapping, money stealing gangsters, veiled behind their daughter's love for you.  The ones that still think they deserve a dowry, but didn't insist publically because they are in America.  There are the ones that think nothing is good enough for their daughter, then there are others that tell their daughters to settle, at least for three years, so that the man can pay the $50,000 dowry so that the two can be in a visa marriage (Yes, my friend's mom suggested that to her, and the mom was willing to settle her off for $30k). 

What is acceptable?  We are all going to get some of the bad, no matter who we marry.  If that's the case, what does it become a question of... what is bearable?  Are there certain traits that we can accept over others?  If my girl is the bomb and I would do anything for her, how do I get past the bear's shadow that shades our room? 

Taking A Stand

I might not like it, but I can manage all of the above, for the love of my girl.  Except for one thing.  My girl has to be able to stand up for me against her mother or father.  If I'm going to marry her and protect her, her house, her kids, for life, the only thing she has to, in regards to the in-laws, is to not be afraid to take a stand for me.  If she can't do that, then the relationship won't work for me. 

My old roommate was dating another friend of mine.  Both were Christian, he wanted to be lawyer, but her parents couldn't get over the fact that he was Korean, not Chinese.  They disapproved.  My friends had been dating for over a year until my roommate realized that she was afraid to fight for him.  That the approval of her parents was way more important than the consistent love he was offering.  He would've married her.  They took a break.  He was smart and didn't wait around too long.  The next girl he dated he married.  He's now lawyer with is own practice.  It's been years and she hasn't dated and isn't married.  Sad to say, she might have lost her one chance at marriage. 

Taking a stand is one of the most important things that any of us can do in a relationship.  It shows to our significant other that we are willing to sacrifice for them, to be strong for them, that we have confidence in their decisions, their opinion, their leading.  My in-laws might end up being cheats, naggers, hold a superiority complex, or be addicts, I wouldn't be able change that.  My wife may have to put up with that type of parental mental abuse from time to time, which sucks, but I'll be there for her.  But when push comes to shove, if I'm doing my best to secure and protect our relationship or our family, she needs to be a rock for me in front of her parents.  A man can only be a man in a relationship if you let him.  As strong as I am, I'm proud to admit that I will still always need the backing of my girl. 

1. What's the one thing you fear most in in-laws? 
2. Have you withheld introducing your new significant others to your parents because you don't want to scare your boyfriend or girlfriend? 
3. Have you ever exited a relationship or marriage because you couldn't stand the in-laws/potential in-laws?  Why?  What was the straw that broke the camel's back?  

Interest Charges on Medical Bills?  

WTF!  I just got my statement from my dentist and it has a finance charge of $13.50.  I got a crown done, paid the estimated patient portion in full and the balance was submitted to insurance for billing.  The work was done 8/20, the summary statement is as of 8/30. 

Does your doctor or dentist charge interest on outstanding amounts that are pending insurance approval?  This better be a mistake because I'm beyond pissed.  My dentist's office has gone through a lot of turnover the past two years (the retiring dentist handed the practice off to the younger partner dentist) and I'm wondering if they are also changing the billing procedures.  The dentist also dropped himself from being in-network providers for most dental insurance providers this year (Delta, Guardian, Blue Cross, etc.). 

1.5% of finance charges for 10 days comes out to 4.5% for the month.  4.5% x 12 months is 54% for the year!  Even if it's only supposed to be 1.5% x 12 months, that's 18% for the year.  I don't carry any balances on my credit cards so 18% is appalling.   I didn't sign up to do payment plan financing option for my work.  I paid the 40%-50% patient portion in full.   This reeks of non-disclosure. 

I go in to get the crown cemented today.  I will also be bringing a copy of the statement for inquiry.  If this is not an error, then this dentist is stupid because I'll gladly take my future business elsewhere.  A few months ago I got a bill $2.00 for outstanding charges that insurance didn't cover for a cleaning.  Don't most doctor's offices write off small amounts?  It's not like he's going to send me a refund if I overpaid my initial estimate by $5.  It is stupid to nickel and dime your regular patients because they'll leave you and you'll lose thousands in potential earnings over the years.  

1. Does your doctor charge interest? 
2. What is the benefit of doctors leaving the network?  Is this because they get to charge more for their services, or is it more so that they aren't restricted and restrained by paperwork on vital claims that are denied by network insurance groups? 

Be My Steady

"We are not officially official, but we are official." 

It's such an odd curiousity about life... that thing that makes us officially couples.  My friend is getting married soon and I asked her how she or some of her ex-boyfriends made it known that they were dating exclusively.  The answers were all over the place.   With her fiance, they never even said it, they just knew. 

Basically all ways boil down to one of these: 

• DTR Talk - One of you decides it next level time.  Instead of just next leveling it, you have the talk to make sure that next level means next level.  This can be done on a park bench, at dinner, at Starbucks, after sex, or even formally at tea time with your parents present.  
• Obvious to Everyone But Us - Your friends are always whispering, but you don't know why.  That's because you two are so in the zone that you can't even tell that you're a couple.  Your friends are just asking the same question over and over, which is, "Are they BF/GF?  Because they sure look like it."  Until you acknowledge that you are, they will keep on whispering.  It's easily settled when that loud, obnoxious friend (we all have one) practically screams across the table, "What is all this?  Are you two together or what?"  Then you two look at each other and it hits you... "Yeah, we are a couple." 
• No DTR Needed - I always thought this was a cool way to be official.   No DTR needed because you just know.  Love is in the air and both of you, at the same time, know that's what it is.   

There's no right way or wrong way to register yourselves as an official couple.  Some of us feel we have to have definition while others of us prefer to live in denial for as long as possible.  The fact is, no matter how you define it, your friends can already tell what you are.  But can you? 

1. In your current relationship or even with your exes, what were some of the ways that you found out or decided that you two were dating? 
2. If you had a choice, what's your preferred way of declaring or finding out about your couplehood?   

Age Becomes the Enemy - I Become the Enemy

I was at dinner with friends a few weeks ago and they asked about my dating life. 

"So... been on any dates recently?" 

The people at my church never ask about my dating life because they pretty much assume people don't date.  They just get married to the person that falls out of the sky like manna.  Everyone pretty much gets married, if not to the first person, then to the second person they meet.    

As for the people that don't go to my church, they always ask if I'm seeing someone yet.  It's not so much because they think I've finally found someone, it's more to infuse their now attached lives with some comedic excitement... all my date adventures that don't work out.  Dating or trying to date isn't always fun, but it's usually pretty interesting. 

Sitting sock-covered on mats at Honda Ya, I fed them the naked truth, "Actually, I have." 

"Oooo... tell us!"  

I didn't feel like going into detail, so I just threw out numbers.  I went out with a 33 year old, a 21 year old, and next week maybe a 27 year old.   

"21?!?"  is all they heard...

The girls at dinner are in their late 20s, and I'm over 30.  Here it goes again, women thumbing their nose at girls younger than them.  I don't think they realize it, but they are.  I could feel it at the dinner table... "Panic on the streets of London... panic on the streets of Birmingham..."  C'mon ask me about the 33 year-old, she wants some attention too. 

I threw some duraflames on the grill to get them more fired up.  "She's white and she was hot.  She kept on telling me we should go out and do something."   I left out the minor detail that we actually went out once when she was still only 20 years old.  I wasn't lying.  She's 5'6", slender, brunette, with natural D's (I didn't mention any of that).  Yes, hate her.   Hate her even more.

It wasn't my goal to date a 21 year old.  Then again, why wouldn't I go out with her?  No matter what I said at dinner, the girls were hung up with the age thing.  I don't even think it was because I went out with someone younger.  She's a trust fund baby, she's an Ivy League grad, she's really sweet, she cooks and scrapbooks... even if it were true, none of it would have mattered. 

It's all about how us asshole men pass up women their age as we get older.  When you tell a 29 year old woman that girls that are 21 are semi-interested in you, maybe it's another reminder that she's nearing 30.  That guys like me, that guys like their friends, guys like my friends, have no qualms about dating someone younger than us, even considerably younger.  These girls never considered me, but now it's like I passed them up and that bothers them. 

Now the 33 year old... was a little weird.  She wanted my number but wouldn't give hers.  Then she'd call and leave messages and it's not like I could return them because her number was restricted.  It was more annoying than anything else.  And she would say things like, "Oh, I can tell you were on the dating site today because it shows you were recently active."  It felt stalkerish.  It's ok to be stalker, just don't show it.  We all have some of that in us. 

We talked on the phone a couple of times and she seemed easy going and nice, but then when we met in person, I could see that the easy going and nice wasn't as easy going and nice.  It was more her pleasant date manner than her true nature.  As shallow as I am, I care about that true nature stuff.   A few times she made reference to her age and also talked about how cautious she was about who she talked to online.  Cautious is one thing, but there comes a point where you gotta have some fun with it, it is dating, you know? 

It was all starting to annoy me and what I wanted to say was, "You're 33 and not getting any younger.  Stop playing that super hard to get game.  Online dating is a different beast.  You can't play hide and seek because if he doesn't know you even exist, how's he going to find you?  If you see someone good, you have to at least take initiative and indicate that you're open to them messaging you." 

That's harsh to say on a first date, so I said, "Online dating is a different beast.  You can't play hide and seek because if he doesn't know you even exist, how's he going to find you, right?  If you see someone good, you have to at least take initiative and indicate that you're open to them messaging you." 

See how much less offensive it is when I take away the age factor?   Okay still pretty harsh.  I'm not going to want to date you if you constantly remind me of your biological clock on the first or second date.  Predictably, I didn't call her for a second.  I emailed her the next day and thanked her for coming out.  I could sense she wanted me to ask her out on another, but heck, she was still holding onto her number.  That's okay, someone else already gave me theirs.