I’m off to Seattle for a few days to put some cold in this California boy, see you when I get back next week!

Taking a Stand 

A friend of mine recently got beheaded by his girlfriend and it all happened rather abruptly.  Maybe he was clueless as to what he did wrong, as us guys are always the last to know, but in this case it was more a case of parent intervention.  A parent that wanted her daughter to shoot for that ever higher. 

After the initial thrill of the chase, after 80% of the secrets have been revealed, when you reach that point of thinking of saying you love them and pondering eternity together, it’s time to get serious.  Bret and Jermaine know it best… “It’s business time…”  Serious means you must be kid tested, parentally approved. 

Parents always want the best for their children, but frick man!  They can be such a meddling bunch.  Asian parents might seem publicly passive, but they are not going be chill.  They are going to ask for it all in your sig other and look at it closer than that extra $2 bowl of rice charge on a restaurant bill at checkout.  It’s always the same things… race, religion, education, job, annual income, and what kind of family does he/she come from.  We are Asian, so we don’t talk about drug use, or amount of babies the person already has, it’s automatically assumed that those stats are zero. 

If I marry a hot, sweet, uneducated girl, of course my parents are going to think she’s stupid and is a gold digger.  If I marry a white girl, an ignant is going to say, “That means you’ll be divorced within seven years.”  But what if I want to marry a cute Christian children’s pediatrics physician that has a three year-old daughter?  Hmmm…  Worth fighting for?  I’m going to have to state my case. 

My friend who got the shaft is a great guy.  Him and his ex-girl had been dating for quite a few months and had never fought, and then a week ago her father began planting seeds in her head. 

“What kind of job does he have?” 

“Project based jobs aren’t secure.”  

“Think about your disabled sister.  Who’s going to care for her when your mother and I die?” 

“Your sister is moving into a big house this year” (Note:  Sister is Christian, husband is not)  

This is all normal sh*t if you have Asian parents that own property or if they don’t own property, they own jewelry, because damn, you gotta own something and it’s all about securing some physical goods for your future in case you get divorced or have kids.  But this is not the kind of stuff I’d expect to hear from someone’s parents who were missionaries, God’s ambassadors that fully trusted in him for guidance and livelihood. 

The girl is Christian, the guy is Christian.  Both love the Lord and each other.  Both are stable, friendly people.  They might or might not become rich later, but they’d live at least a middle class life.   Months of road trips, sitting together on the couch watching TV, walks in Disneyland, nice dinners, all over in one week because the girl’s father told her that she needs to find someone with more earning potential.  Which brings us back to… marry a doctor, lawyer, or engineer. 

At some point in the relationship, your girl (or boy) has to take a stand for you.  It’s not a fight that you can fight, it’s something they must do on their own.  They must cry, scream, or yell with their parents and tell them that you’re the one they love.  Parents are going to push and might try to push their point across for months, but when it comes decision time, I want to know that my girl talked back to them and told them that I was the one she wanted to be with.  If you’re with a good person and you truly love them, your parents need to know that.  It’s your life.  It’s your life adventurer, your life partner. 

My friend was crushed.   They seemed like a great match.  I totally understand the earnings/education issue (he has his degree), but I thought it was hypocritical and bush league for a parent of the cloth to pull that card.  I’m more disappointed in the father than anything else.  To me it shows that even though he’s a missionary, he doesn’t really trust God.  The girl’s last boyfriend didn’t come close to treating her as well as my friend did. 

Parents intervene all the time.  My old roommate was dating this other girl that I also know very well but after a year, her father asked her to break up because he was Korean and she was Chinese.  He didn’t want her marrying a Korean.  Now she’s over 35, single, hasn’t dated in the past ten years while he is happily married to someone else with two kids. 

It’s always like this… race, religion, education, job, annual income, and what kind of family does he/she come from.  Love?  Doesn’t count.  Asian parents never ask if you love the other person, that’s secondary.    

If it’s me, there’s one thing I know for sure… If she won’t to take a stand for me, then I’m out. She’s got to figure out and tell me and tell the world that she wants me and needs me.  If not, I’ll find someone who will, and if you’re in the same situation, I’d hope that you would too. 

1. Have any of your exes not stood up for you in front of his or her parents?  What happened after that?  
2. Ever had to tell your parents to open their eyes to the one you loved?  How did that go? 

Spending Halloween As My Hero

My office goes sort of crazy for Halloween.  This year my department had a Toy Story theme.  I wasn’t feelin’ it but then I went to Goodwill and found my shirt for $3, cut up an ascot out of half a yard of fabric from the fabric store ($1.50), had the shorts (Hollister), shoes (black Jaime Mascaro loafers, yes they make men’s shoes too), and used my Stubbs & Wootton yellow ribbon belt.  I wish I had a better wig, but this one was only $5 at Party City. 

The Claw!!!  Both the Alien and Bullseye made their costumes from scratch.  The Alien mask is felt with styrofoam ball eyes.  Bullseye stitched together a cloth saddle and tail, and did a complex paper mache horsey mask.  Seriously… middle aged white ladies are crazy with their costume making. 

I’m just Ken, and I’m here to rock you in my dream house. 

“I’ll be seeing you tonight… in my dreams.”   ~ Ken in Toy Story 3

The next night, I went to eat at the Gorbals, a restaurant at the Alexandria Hotel in Downtown LA, opened by season two Top Chef winner Ilan Hall.   Good thing the staff was dress up too. 

Where else would you eat progressive Jewish Irish food like bacon wrapped matzoh balls?  

And… Foie Gras, Baby Yams, Marshmallow Fluff & Cranberries?

The crispy broccoli in soy and chili sauce, the poutine (brown sugar braised pork over crispy fries), and the foie gras were very good.  The matzoh balls you sort of have to try.  They were good, but not close to being to die for. 

I can’t believe I rocked this outfit again in Downtown LA and Little Tokyo.  Nobody knew what the heck I was dressed as, unless I told them.  All I could think was, “Some men dress like this everyday… gross!”