June 4, 2011

• The $1.3 Million Dollar Yacht Baby  

  I finally went out with a Vietnamese girl last month.  I’ve hung out with plenty, but it took me 30 some years to finally go out on a date with one because of my utter fear.  I have plenty of Vietnamese friends (male and female), but all the guys have told me… “Whatever you do, don’t date a Vietnamese girl.”  

  Whatevers!  I know plenty of Vietnamese girls.  My friends are doctors, teachers, accountants… well educated, successful, married and very normal.  She can’t be that bad.  

  The girl I met was a marketer that was in between jobs.  She was tall, cute, and naturally curvy and voluptuous.  We had dinner and I found a few things about her.  She lived in a house with her brothers and sisters… a house that her parents had bought to house them while her parents lived nearby in the same neighborhood.  Her dad was a humble man that was a genius in his field.  He moved to America, made it himself and amassed a comfortable amount of money.  Though he has money, he still dresses in old jeans and drives a fifteen year old Japanese car while the kids all drive Lexuses and BMWs.  But he liked fishing, so this year he decided to treat himself to a $1.3 million, 61 foot yacht… something he could enjoy for a few years before he gets too old to enjoy it.  

  I haven’t really figured out if girls from families with money intimidate me or not, but since I have to think about it, I guess not.  Education and money don’t scare me.  I just get annoyed if they are pretentious.  Now this girl, she was something else.  

  My date was a girly girl.  I might say something like “Today was a beautiful day” and she’d say “But not as beautiful as meeee right?”  Ummm… first date, I don’t know you yet so I just laughed and ignored that question.  One time she sent me a picture of her in the Carlsbad flower fields.  I told her that her flowery dress matched perfectly.  She replied, “Ooooo, interesting how you noticed my dress but not my smile or perfect hair.”  

  I’m not good at the reassurance thing.  I know girls at their core are insecure and need some comforting or encouragement at times.  But if a girl is really insecure and needs daily verbal reassurance of her beauty… God, just shoot me!   I want to compliment a girl because I appreciate or notice something, not because she prompts me to.    

  Why do my Vietnamese friends think their own women are crazy?  Are they too insecure?  Too money hungry?  Because some have boobs the size of San Onofre?  No.  Let me tell you…  

  My date had multiple brothers and sisters.  She falls somewhere in the middle age wise, only one of her sisters having been married before.  Her older sister is in her late 30s, now divorced, and has one child.  She had found out that her husband had cheated on her so when it came time for divorce, they had to find someone to serve the papers.  They elected her, because she was the fearless loud spoken one.  How hard can serving papers be?  

  One day, she went to her sister’s ex-husbands office.  He was in the office, meeting with clients.  She barged in, cussed his ass out (“No one sticks their d**k in my sister, leaves her with a baby and… blah blah blah”), then flung the divorce papers in his face and all over the floor, while his clients were still in there.  Then she walked out.  

  I sat there stunned.  My mind quickly went next level.  Visions of my man parts, sitting on a wooden cutting board, about to be chopped off by a giant butcher knife.  Ever been to Sam Woo?  Half a roast duck, half a Hainan chicken, one pound of char siu pork, and my manhood.  Four to-go boxes, one plastic bag.  

  I snapped out of my funk 30 seconds later, recovered enough to tell her her cheating brother law was an ass, and asked her if she was scared to go in there.  Good save!  

  I went into the night hoping Vietnamese girls weren’t crazy and left thinking Vietnamese girls ARE crazy.  Now why the heck would you tell that story on a first date?  I don’t want to know a girl is psycho until it’s time for her to get pyscho.  That day will certainly come, why rush it?  I know, sometimes conversation accidentally spills into first date no-no’s… a little politics, or someone asks why you broke up with your ex… you just have to answer those questions tactfully if they come up.  Okay, so let me tally… I have to verbally worship your beauty every day, your dad already provides everything for you while you aren’t working, and if I do something wrong you are going to go crazy ass on me.  

  There was also this line, “If a guy comes to a date dressed up in a button down shirt, slacks, I’m not comfortable with that.  I like it if he just wears jeans, sandals, and a t-shirt.”  I was wearing jeans and a nice casual short sleeve shirt (not t-shirt) with proper shoes.  What kind of girl complains about a guy who is dresses up a little for a date?  Shoot, that’s a first.  

  I walked her to her car, she kissed me goodnight (woohoo… gessum!) and told me to call her.  I didn’t.  I’ll save that for the next Vietnamese girl I meet.  

  • 3:06 am
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