September 1, 2009

• Age Becomes the Enemy - I Become the Enemy

  I was at dinner with friends a few weeks ago and they asked about my dating life. 

  "So... been on any dates recently?" 

  The people at my church never ask about my dating life because they pretty much assume people don't date.  They just get married to the person that falls out of the sky like manna.  Everyone pretty much gets married, if not to the first person, then to the second person they meet.    

  As for the people that don't go to my church, they always ask if I'm seeing someone yet.  It's not so much because they think I've finally found someone, it's more to infuse their now attached lives with some comedic excitement... all my date adventures that don't work out.  Dating or trying to date isn't always fun, but it's usually pretty interesting. 

  Sitting sock-covered on mats at Honda Ya, I fed them the naked truth, "Actually, I have." 

  "Oooo... tell us!"  

  I didn't feel like going into detail, so I just threw out numbers.  I went out with a 33 year old, a 21 year old, and next week maybe a 27 year old.   

  "21?!?"  is all they heard...

  The girls at dinner are in their late 20s, and I'm over 30.  Here it goes again, women thumbing their nose at girls younger than them.  I don't think they realize it, but they are.  I could feel it at the dinner table... "Panic on the streets of London... panic on the streets of Birmingham..."  C'mon ask me about the 33 year-old, she wants some attention too. 

  I threw some duraflames on the grill to get them more fired up.  "She's white and she was hot.  She kept on telling me we should go out and do something."   I left out the minor detail that we actually went out once when she was still only 20 years old.  I wasn't lying.  She's 5'6", slender, brunette, with natural D's (I didn't mention any of that).  Yes, hate her.   Hate her even more.

  It wasn't my goal to date a 21 year old.  Then again, why wouldn't I go out with her?  No matter what I said at dinner, the girls were hung up with the age thing.  I don't even think it was because I went out with someone younger.  She's a trust fund baby, she's an Ivy League grad, she's really sweet, she cooks and scrapbooks... even if it were true, none of it would have mattered. 

  It's all about how us asshole men pass up women their age as we get older.  When you tell a 29 year old woman that girls that are 21 are semi-interested in you, maybe it's another reminder that she's nearing 30.  That guys like me, that guys like their friends, guys like my friends, have no qualms about dating someone younger than us, even considerably younger.  These girls never considered me, but now it's like I passed them up and that bothers them. 

  ---

  Now the 33 year old... was a little weird.  She wanted my number but wouldn't give hers.  Then she'd call and leave messages and it's not like I could return them because her number was restricted.  It was more annoying than anything else.  And she would say things like, "Oh, I can tell you were on the dating site today because it shows you were recently active."  It felt stalkerish.  It's ok to be stalker, just don't show it.  We all have some of that in us. 

  We talked on the phone a couple of times and she seemed easy going and nice, but then when we met in person, I could see that the easy going and nice wasn't as easy going and nice.  It was more her pleasant date manner than her true nature.  As shallow as I am, I care about that true nature stuff.   A few times she made reference to her age and also talked about how cautious she was about who she talked to online.  Cautious is one thing, but there comes a point where you gotta have some fun with it, it is dating, you know? 

  It was all starting to annoy me and what I wanted to say was, "You're 33 and not getting any younger.  Stop playing that super hard to get game.  Online dating is a different beast.  You can't play hide and seek because if he doesn't know you even exist, how's he going to find you?  If you see someone good, you have to at least take initiative and indicate that you're open to them messaging you." 

  That's harsh to say on a first date, so I said, "Online dating is a different beast.  You can't play hide and seek because if he doesn't know you even exist, how's he going to find you, right?  If you see someone good, you have to at least take initiative and indicate that you're open to them messaging you." 

  See how much less offensive it is when I take away the age factor?   Okay still pretty harsh.  I'm not going to want to date you if you constantly remind me of your biological clock on the first or second date.  Predictably, I didn't call her for a second.  I emailed her the next day and thanked her for coming out.  I could sense she wanted me to ask her out on another, but heck, she was still holding onto her number.  That's okay, someone else already gave me theirs. 

  • 12:42 am
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