April 10, 2010

  • Got this weird first message from an online dating site…

    Hi Howie -

    I like your profile and think we have a lot in common, but I wanted to ask about the church thing, which I didn’t notice till I’d already clicked accept. Eek!

    It’s nothing personal and no offense intended, but I generally have trouble forming intimate connections with people who are religious…

    Sorry for this strange message…hope you’re having a great day!

    It sounds friendly, but something about it bothered me.  On the profile I checked that I’m Christian and there’s one line saying that I attend church.  That’s all.  I don’t say I’m looking only for godly women of excellence, that people who voted for Bush Jr. were right, that I’m against abortion, or that if you smoke weed and get crunk you are the devil.  

    I stewed over it for half a day.  What the heck is it that’s buggin?  Kallamazam!  It’s not the religion thing at all.  It’s that she’s already prejudiced against someone for something when she doesn’t even know them.  I don’t say I can’t stand agnostics, or I that I can’t hold conversations with Muslims, or people who curl their hair every day are too self-absorbed, or that people who like football are all brutes (None of the above are true for me).  Okay, so religion is perceived as a way of life, I get why people might be apprehensive.  Maybe it’s better to just keep those thoughts to yourself instead vocalizing them to someone on an online dating site.   I respect peoples’ beliefs, especially if they’ve taken some time to research or think about it, but I know not everyone feels that way.  There are a lot of my-way-is-the-only-way folks out there. 

    I was already turned off, but I emailed back just to see if she’d say what really bugged her about churchies. 

    No problem. Was there a specific question(s) you had about the church stuff?

    I do go to church regularly but I don’t think I’m the preachy type. I feel people need to find out for themself what they believe. I’m probably more on the liberal side socially but hold traditional family values.

    Thanks for messaging, nite!

    She didn’t reply.  I would’ve preferred if she just didn’t message at all.  If you want to etch-a-sketch her, she was 29, Asian, tall, and a software engineer. 

    I think God just provided me with a divine sign.  Adult Friend Finder here I come!  I need to find people that don’t have intimate connection issues.

Comments (8)

  • That is a bit strange for her to send that message. It would have been best if she didn’t send a message at all if she wasn’t interested. Not only did this waste her time, but yours as well, IMO. It seems like she’s the type of person who needs to explain her actions, thoughts, and feelings on matters. Well, all you have to do is move on =).

  • Lol… She was coercied to go to church in her previous relationship…

  • @ladyofthesilk - Yeah, just another online dating no-no.  I was tempted to say something snarky back at her, but hey hey, gotta maintain online diplomacy. 

    @corolla1209 - You’re probably right.  Either a zealous religious ex, or parents forced her to go to church, or the church or temple she was at tried to brainwash her and turn her into an alien child of god.  Which do you think?  =)

  • Ackward for her.

    Hahahahaha!!! Adult Friend Finder. Dude, it’s scary on that too. Much more.

  • hey, the sermon on sunday was exactly about this. people thinking they are better than others because either they go to church or they don’t go to church. everyone does it, christians and non-christians. i’m telling you, she may not realize it, but her staying away from all church going dudes is just as religious as christians going to church every sunday. anyway, hope u find a good woman howie.

  • she gave you a strike on your board before even meeting you. that is unfortunate. but i can understand where she might be coming from if she’s got a predisposed bias against religious folks. i habor some :) but i try really hard to not let it be the only reason i might hesitate forming a friendship because i know that everyone is different.

  • @HushNowLuv - it’s pretty comical.  i could sub in the words “smoker” or “vegetarian” and it would still bug me the same.  i don’t lean towards smokers, but if i find someone’s profile interesting, i’m sure not gonna say to a her, “hey nice face and personality, but you know, you’re smoking really kills it.”  what’s the point of me even emailing?  just dumb.  

    anyhow, hope it’s all good in the hood.  if you need somewhere to online vent… you’re free to dump here.   

  • @djcaptainzowie - thank you :)

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