September 16, 2009

• The In-Laws - Dealbreaker? 

  Why is it that when I hear the words “in-laws” in a conversation, I flinch?  I don’t even have immediate in-laws, other than a sister and she’s thankfully very normal.  If I don’t have potential mother or father-in-laws, why am I scared?  It seems like every other person has an horrible in-law.  I remember my high school English teacher, Mr. Alexander.  He used to riff on his mother-in-law every day. 

  “This weekend we went to see visit my mother-in-law, she’s older, so I helped vacuum the house.  I finished the whole room and she nags, ‘HEY! You missed that spot right there…’   I was so pissed I just wanted to tell her to lay down on the floor so I could suck her face with that thing.” 

  A few years later, I went back to high school to visit and asked how his mother-in-law was.  He said, “Oh, I don’t talk about her anymore, since she passed, God rest her soul.” 

  Just kill me if I get stuck with a horrible in-law.  Since I just said that, I know I’ve jinxed myself.  Really, does it or should it even matter in a relationship?  If Jessica Alba was all over me, but her mom was a witch, would I still go through with the wedding?  You laugh, but these are serious questions people!  Questions that 90% of us have to or have faced (assuming 10% of you stay single). 

  There’s all sorts of horrible when we are talking in-laws.  They could be meddling, nagging, gambling, drinking, leeching, disapproving, piggybacking, grandchild wanting, baby kidnapping, money stealing gangsters, veiled behind their daughter’s love for you.  The ones that still think they deserve a dowry, but didn’t insist publically because they are in America.  There are the ones that think nothing is good enough for their daughter, then there are others that tell their daughters to settle, at least for three years, so that the man can pay the $50,000 dowry so that the two can be in a visa marriage (Yes, my friend’s mom suggested that to her, and the mom was willing to settle her off for $30k). 

  What is acceptable?  We are all going to get some of the bad, no matter who we marry.  If that’s the case, what does it become a question of… what is bearable?  Are there certain traits that we can accept over others?  If my girl is the bomb and I would do anything for her, how do I get past the bear’s shadow that shades our room? 

  Taking A Stand

  I might not like it, but I can manage all of the above, for the love of my girl.  Except for one thing.  My girl has to be able to stand up for me against her mother or father.  If I’m going to marry her and protect her, her house, her kids, for life, the only thing she has to, in regards to the in-laws, is to not be afraid to take a stand for me.  If she can’t do that, then the relationship won’t work for me. 

  My old roommate was dating another friend of mine.  Both were Christian, he wanted to be lawyer, but her parents couldn’t get over the fact that he was Korean, not Chinese.  They disapproved.  My friends had been dating for over a year until my roommate realized that she was afraid to fight for him.  That the approval of her parents was way more important than the consistent love he was offering.  He would’ve married her.  They took a break.  He was smart and didn’t wait around too long.  The next girl he dated he married.  He’s now lawyer with is own practice.  It’s been years and she hasn’t dated and isn’t married.  Sad to say, she might have lost her one chance at marriage. 

  Taking a stand is one of the most important things that any of us can do in a relationship.  It shows to our significant other that we are willing to sacrifice for them, to be strong for them, that we have confidence in their decisions, their opinion, their leading.  My in-laws might end up being cheats, naggers, hold a superiority complex, or be addicts, I wouldn’t be able change that.  My wife may have to put up with that type of parental mental abuse from time to time, which sucks, but I’ll be there for her.  But when push comes to shove, if I’m doing my best to secure and protect our relationship or our family, she needs to be a rock for me in front of her parents.  A man can only be a man in a relationship if you let him.  As strong as I am, I’m proud to admit that I will still always need the backing of my girl. 

  1. What’s the one thing you fear most in in-laws? 
  2. Have you withheld introducing your new significant others to your parents because you don’t want to scare your boyfriend or girlfriend? 
  3. Have you ever exited a relationship or marriage because you couldn’t stand the in-laws/potential in-laws?  Why?  What was the straw that broke the camel’s back?  

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