July 6, 2009
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Michael Jackson Appearing To Me
When I opened the email, I kept on expecting the image to just fade away, or that the computer monitor would blow up and validate the dream. No such thing happened. Congratulations!
It feels weird knowing I “won” the lottery. Last night I couldn’t sleep, even though my body begged for the rest. I was restless, like when I was a kid and mom told me the next day we’d be going to Disneyland. I could never sleep well those nights.
It feels weird knowing that I’ll just be in the vicinity of Staples Center. Whether the tickets were for overflow Nokia Theatre or if they were for Staples, I wouldn’t care either way, though I’m thinking, it really would be awesome to be in Staples Center.
It feels weird knowing that I’ll be in Staples Center. It feels even weirder knowing that I have a first level seat. Section 106. Directly facing the stage, from the back end of the first level. Did everyone before me get lower level seats too, or did some people get upper level seats? If all the VIPs are on the floor, are some of them also on the first level? How did I luck into 100 level seats?
It feels weird that I’m so excited that I want to scream to the world, but at the same time, I think that some people might be hating on me out of envy. I know, it just happens. It’s like I want to share the good news, but I don’t.
It feels weird to be so excited, because when I think past the excitement, I’m really, really sad. This is not a joyous occasion. It’s a celebration of one man’s life, but it’s tinged w/ tragedy, hurt, pain, and numbing pain. He brought so much joy to everyone his first 35 years of life, and in his last 15 years he was recluse, eccentric, and lived out. His face a shell of what it was, a body of sticks.
I can’t even pinpoint why I feel so strongly about Michael Jackson. Is it because everyday, when I came home from elementary school, I’d watch 30-60 minutes of MTV and Billie Jean and Beat It would always be on? Is it because the world premeire of the Thriller video is one of the few things that stands out from my childhood? Is it because my brother, as a toddler, would do Michael Jackson dance moves? We Are the World? Why is it that for the past ten years, everytime I see an excellent condition copy of the Thriller LP at the Goodwill, I buy it, even though I already have a copy?
Is there any celebrity in my life that is/was/will be as defining? As known? Is there any person that even comes close? JFK was light years before my time but he’s only famous in the US. Elvis and John Lennon were around for a bit but my preschool teachers didn’t cover it in their news items for the week. The only one that comes to mind is Princess Diana. Beloved around the world, her funeral was a royal procession for the city and world to see. Who is bigger, MJ or Lady Di? My gut feeling says MJ. Music is more accessible. Music celebrates with you when you’re happy, cries with you when you’ve lost your true love, helps you onto your next love and in rare instances, even helps to unite the world.
They are calling it the “golden ticket.” The most coveted ticket in world history? I can’t tell you what it feels like. If numb is a feeling, then that’s what I feel like. It feels exaggerated. Even I can’t comprehend the magnitude. The whole world will be watching this? Everyone behind their TVs, me being a lucky one, having the privilege to say goodbye in public, with 18,000 other fans, friends, and mourners.
I’m excited for tomorrow, but when I get there, at some point, I’m going to be overwhelmed with emotion. Maybe Stevie Wonder will be speaking, or maybe Smokey Robinson will be singing, or maybe John Mayer will play that Eddie Van Halen riff, or maybe Usher will be dancing, or maybe Janet Jackson will tell a story about their childhood. At some point my eyes will not hold back and the water will flow. I will wipe it with a hard brown Staples Center napkin. I still won’t be able to tell you why I’m crying, other than that I’m sad.
DjCaptainZowie wishes he didn’t have to attend this event but will try and document the occasion for you in his next post. Stay tuned.
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Comments (8)
throw up a prayer for me while you’re there.
I think you hit it on the nose when you said, “Music celebrates with you when you’re happy, cries with you when you’ve lost your true love, helps you onto your next love and in rare instances, even helps to unite the world.” Amen to that. Michael Jackson, Madonna, Donny Osmond, Jamie Lee Curtis & I are all the same age. How different all our lives turned out. I remember growing up with all Michael’s music, starting w/ the Jackson 5. I still play the ABC CD almost every week. Michael was such a happy looking little boy & had all that talent, yet all that strange life. I still have the shirt when I saw him at Dodger Stadium for the Jackson Victory Tour. I wish his adult life had turned out happier. Rest in Peace Michael & know that you brought your gift of music to the world & we will never forget you for that.
Also say a prayer for me while you are there.
That’s Awesome man! Enjoy it and relish it man… Wish I could be there with ya…
@deshue - Makes you ponder when someone you view as a peer passes, doesn’t it? I feel apart of my childhood died with him, but for you, I’m sure it’s even more true. The ceremony was amazing. You better save that shirt, I think they are selling for about $100-250 for used Jackon Victory Tour shirts.
oh my goodness..how exciting!!!! did it cost anything? gosh how do you know about these lotteries and stuff? I saw highlights of the memorial…what a historical event! can’t wait to see you pixes and hear about your perspective!
@jennybean915 - ummm… jenny the lottery info was all over TV! but yeah, if i never am able to ever attend a show again, that’s okay, it was a good run, i went to the best memorial/tribute/show that i’ll probably ever see in my life.
i wanna see pics…im jealous but happy you went. miss ya howie-licious